my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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