be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
