I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
