Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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