also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
