You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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