just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
