well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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