I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
