i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
