I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
