So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
