it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
