There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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