I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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