My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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