Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
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it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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