Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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