Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
