Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
