..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
