hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
