Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
