is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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