So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
