Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
