there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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