Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
