currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
