on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
