WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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