you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
