ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
