just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
did you just send me my own nude
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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