; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
