New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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