just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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