in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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