I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
love makes seman taste better
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
