Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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