remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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