I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
