Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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