I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
