Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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