K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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