I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
