i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
