On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
