Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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