Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
