I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
