so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
