I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
