There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
my poor anus
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
