I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
