Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
