i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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