dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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