I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
