He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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