I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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