I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
