Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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