Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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