That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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