I smell stomach acid.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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