will power is for people who don't want to get laid
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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