U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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