Why are handjobs necessary in class?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
