the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
