If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
