my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
