I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
