the condom got lost in my hair
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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