just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
