is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
