You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
