How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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