Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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