Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
