I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
