Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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