Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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