Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
