he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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