kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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