It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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