we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
