I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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